I will NOT go on Jeopardy!

Starting in middle school, I was told that I should be on Jeopardy!. Each year I advanced in schooling, my peers would recommend that I make my mark on the famed quiz program. It seemed like an enticing idea, so much so that I started watching the show on a regular basis. During the High School and College tournaments I knew a great wealth of the correct responses to the "answers". Sure, this delighted me in some sense, but I was young, and basically friendless.

My Jeopardy! career peaked in the 8th grade. In my Spanish I class, every now-and-then we would play a mock version of the game show. It was simple really, as all the answers and responses were in Spanish.This wasn't difficult, but somehow the ringing a bell part was. Instead of buzzers, we had bells that resembled those that you might find on a hotel desk or anyplace else where they ask you to ring for service. Every other student in the class would ring the bell with a calm hit, causing the contraption to emit a noise. I could not do that, however. My hits were hard smacks to the point where Batman-esque onomatopoeia sounds are the only way to describe my actions. My bell did not sound. That was the rise and fall of my Jeopardy! career, but not trivia.

Junior year of high school, I saw an announcement on the Electronic Bulletin Board(EBB) for the Academic Challenge team. Immediately, I thought about joining, but realized I would be more of a liability than an asset. Being transplanted, I had no car, but I did have a driver's license. Unfortunately, it was out-of-state. Senior year came, and I went to the 2nd meeting of the team and was on. Not starting, just on.
By the 4th match, I was starting and my place was secure. I was an integral part of the team, doing my best work in the co-op round. Our teamwork got us Southeastern District Tournament Champions. We went on to place 4th in the Eastern Regionals, and my career was finished.
A light has been put under me, though with the World Series of Pop Culture. I get that shit. It's not Jeopardy! and pompous Grove City College/Princeton/RPI grads who think they have witty, urbane senses of humor. We've all seen Frasier, you could do us a favor and not copy the goddamn show. Be yourself, or at least, imitate Rosie Perez in White Men Can't Jump. The World Series of Pop Culture is a simple q-and-a format that asks you to answer questions, and it's simple, and a bunch of useless knowledge.
So, I won't go on fucking Jeopardy.